september 20 2019
i’ve been writing a lot less recently, because i’ve been trying to write more smarter things, realer things, truer things.
the general idea behind this is that much of what i’ve been reading hasn’t quite been as smart, real and true as would then lead me to write similarly smart, real, true things.
an additional realization is that the things i (am trying to) write aren’t just a product of smart, real, true books or articles or poems, but more centrally result from smart, real, true real-life experiences. i’m not going to go into any of the typical discussions of what “real-life” is.
much of (my) life, feels like it lacks a sufficient amount of smart, real, true experiences. things sometimes seem like a game or like an immitation of sorts, things that are untrue and unreal and unsmart, things that don’t feel like the ultimate truth, or strike a real nerve or feel profound and thought provoking.
these feelings are sometimes felt in the moment or in retrospect, and they leave an ultimate anxiety for whether real things are ever felt in the future or what the trajectory of experiences is.
it’s a struggle sometimes, to constantly feel at the mercy of forces that dictate what things are real and what things are not. it’s even more of a struggle to feel that the reality of an experience might fade away as time passes, or the gravity of a past situation might only be realized after it’s too late.
it would be convenient to ignore the unreal and just focus on the real, fish out the false and be inspired by the truth, or spared from the plain dumb stuff and enlightened by the profound things in life. but there seems to be a reason for this struggle, this struggle that somehow shows up in every single bit of life.
subjectivism tells us to create our own truth, reality and meaning in life. realism tells us to ignore this struggle and take life with stride. the question of which choice is which in a particular scenario, is a hard one.
those fancy terms tell you that this struggle isn’t one that hasn’t had much thougth put into it. indeed it’s a struggle that remains ongoing, both in every individual’s mind as well as on our behalfs by those whose thought we revere.
it’s a struggle.